KST Chronicles Episode 20

My Big, Fat Sor-I Wedding

The Mushroom Kingdom one afternoon.  A warp pipe appears outside of Toad Town.  Waluigi flys out of the warp pipe and lands on his face.  He gets back up and leans towards the hole of the warp pipe.

Waluigi: Yeah, well I didn't want to be part of some stupid spin-off anyway.  I WANT MY OWN VIDEO GAME! (the warp pipe disappears) Stupid CEO's at Nintendo.  Don't they know they have a star character right here.  Of all the no good....

Waluigi goes about his way grumbling to himself.  He soon turns a corner and collides into Luigi.  Both men fall down.

Luigi: Oh, sorry about that.

Waluigi: Hey, watch where you- Oh, no, not YOU again!

Luigi: Wha?  Waluigi?  Oh... (stands up and brushes his pants off) I take back my apology.

Waluigi: (stands back up) Now you listen here, you stupid wimp.  If you get in my way again, I'll bop you so hard, your daughter will inheret the bruises, you got that?!

Luigi: First off, how do you even know I'm going to have a daughter?  Second, you bumped into me.

Waluigi: That's IT! (holds up his fist) I've been waiting a lo-o-o-o-ong time to give you this knuckle sandwich!

Waluigi begins throwing his punch, but a small yellow star child called a "Luma" crashes into the backside of Waluigi's head.  Waluigi and the Luma fall foward as Luigi side-steps out of the way.  Waluigi falls on his face again as the Luma tries to regain consciousness.

Luigi: Hey, are you okay?

Waluigi: Get this stupid freak off of me.

Luma: Momma!  (floats up to Luigi crying) You gotta help Momma!  Please help Momma!

Luigi: Hey, hey, slow down, one step at a time.  What are you doing here?

Luma: Momma... we were attacked by some strange aliens.... they took all my friends.... and took my Momma... PLEASE HELP MOMMA!

Waluigi: Will someone shut this stupid baby up? (stands up) Eh... what is this ugly thing?

Luigi: This is a star child called a Luma, you dope.  These little guys grow up to become Stars, Planets, Comets, you name it.

Luma: PLEASE HELP MOMMA!

Waluigi: Aw, the wittle baby misses his mommy... Wheh, heh, heh, heh!

Luigi: Wait... if these aliens have his momma... then Rosalina's in trouble.  Don't worry, little Luma, I'll save your momma.

Luma: (sniffles) ... Really?

Waluigi: What do you mean YOU will save her?  No way.  I'm going up there, I'M going to save the day, and I'M GETTING MY OWN VIDEO GAME!

Luigi: Fine, Mr. Grumpy Pants.  We'll both go.

Luma: Oh, thank you so much!  The great Mario is going to save Momma!

Luigi: (squats down running is finger in the dirt) Actually, my name is Luigi.

Waluigi: Wha, hah, hah, hah, hah, hah!

Luma: Hang on, everyone.

The Little Luma uses all of its power to lift Luigi and Waluigi into the air and staight up into outer space.  Within no time, all three arrive at the Star Observatory inside the Library.  They sneak out to see the alien race, the Sor-I, floating about the Observatory.

Luigi: What are with the weird Mr. I's?

Luma: They call themselves Sor-I's.  They're the meanies who took my friends and my Momma.

Waluigi: These guys don't look so tough.  I'll take care of these freaks and save you stupid Momma.  Where is the fat star-shaped hag anyway?

Luigi: Hey, she's right over there.

Waluigi: Alright, let me- WHA?!

Waluigi turns to see Rosalina, Queen of the Star Observatory, as two Sor-I's escort her to the center of the Star Observatory.  Waluigi freezes as he observes Rosalina.

Luigi: C'mon, let's follow them to see what they are up to.

Luma: Okay. (He and Luigi start off, but turns to Waluigi) Are you coming?

Waluigi: ....

Luigi: Yooo Whoo... Waluigi.... Are you a zombie?

Waluigi: Eh? (shakes his head) They must have some... some sort of... mind control... yeah, that's it....

Luigi: (gulps) I better careful, then.  Let's go.

Waluigi: Eh.... (aside following Luigi and the Luma) What a woman.

Luigi, Waluigi, and the Luma follow the two Sor-I's and Rosalina to the center of the Star Observatory where dozens of Sor-I await in rows for something.  Behind two other sor-I's are an electric cage where Polari, an elderly Luma, and the other Luma lay trapped.

Polari: Oh, thank goodness you're okay, Momma.  You leave her alone, you bullies.

Lumas: (cluttered voice) Leave Momma alone!

Sor-I 1: (shakes the cage) Blink it in there!

Sor-I 2: You'd make great pets if you weren't so loud and annoying.

Polari: Don't go through with this, Momma.  We'll be fine, just go!

Rosalina: No, my children.  I won't risk your lives to save my own.  I must go through with it.

Lumas: No, Momma, NO!

Sor-I 1: I said, "BLINK IT!"

Luigi: Wh-wh-wh-what are they going to do to her?

Luma: I don't know.... I left for help before I could find out.

Waluigi: Shhhh!  Be quiet and listen.

Luigi: Don't you shhhsh me.  I know what I'm doing.

Waluigi: Apparantly not, because you're the only one talking here.

Luigi: You're talking too!

Luma: (pushes both of them down) HIDE!

Luigi and Waluigi: Hey!

Sor-I 3: (looks over) I thought I saw something....  oh, well.  Let's get started.

Sor-I's: Long live the King!  Long live the King!

As the Sor-I chant, a larger Sor-I wearing a crown and a cape floats down and approaches Rosalina.  Rosalina stands frowning but with her head held up high for what is about to become.  The trapped Luma yell at the larger Sor-I to let Rosalina go.

Luigi: You d-d-d-didn't tell me there'd be a b-b-bigger one.

Waluigi: What's the matter, wimpy, scared?

Luigi: (stammers) ....No.

Sor-I King: ENOUGH CHANTING!  Now begins what we've been waiting for.  My Sor-I, are you ready?

Sor-I: (cheering) Hurray!  Yay, Whooo HOOO!

Sor-I 4: We love you!

Sor-I King: Then BEGIN!

Luigi: Here it comes.....

Luma: (covers his eyes) I can't watch....

Sor-I 5: (floats up to the King and Rosalina) Ahem. (takes out a book and puts on a monicle) We Sor-I are gathered here to today to witness the holy matrimony of our beloved King and Queen... uh... um.... this Queen.

Sor-I's: Huzzzah!

Luigi: Uh?  It's a wedding?

Waluigi: (jaw drops) .....

Luma: ....Is he okay?

Sor-I 5: It is said in the ancient text, given to us by the Divine Eye, that our King must marry a queen to continue our universal conquest.... or destruction, based upon if we like what we see.  Our beloved king, do you take this Queen to be your wedded wife by force?

Sor-I King: I do.

Sor-I 5: Do you, uh.... What's her name again?

Sor-I 4: Rosaline?  Rosanne?  Roxanne?

Sor-I 1: Gertrude?

Rosalina: My name is Rosalina, and.... I do accept this marrige on the condition that my children are spared.

Sor-I 5: If by spared, you mean we'll use them as house pets and dispose of them as we please, and there's nothing you can do about it because if you refuse, we'll blast every one of them to their game over with our eye beams, then sure, why not?

Sor-I King: Get on with it, we have many planets to conquer or destroy.

Sor-I 5: Okay... together forever, better or worse, blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda...

Luigi: Okay... I think I have a plan, but Waluigi, you have to distract the king. ....Waluigi?  Where'd he go?

Luma: I don't know.

Sor-I 5: If anyone besides the little pests for any reason think these two should not be wed, let them speak now so we can fry them with our lasers.

Waluigi: (jumps onto the King's back) Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!

Sor-I King: Wha?!  Get off of me! (throws Waluigi off) You.... What's this ugly thing doing at my wedding?

Sor-I 1: The King is right.  That thing is ugly.

Sor-I 3: Yeah, all kinds of ugly.

Waluigi: Listen here, you freaks, Waluigi ain't gonna let you marry this queen, and that's final!

Rosalina: Oh, thank you, sir, but do you want to save me?

Waluigi: Well, I, um, you see, I.... (slaps himself across the face) Don't distract me!  I'm here for one reason only, and that's to beat you and get my video game from Nintendo.

Sor-I King: I don't know what this... "Nintendo" is, but clearly, you must wish to challenge me for the right of marrying the very queen of the stars, the only woman worthy of being MY bride.

Waluigi: Guh?! (hides his blushing) Let's go already.  Name your challenge.  Waluigi always wins.

Sor-I King: Very well.  I challenge you.... to a STARING CONTEST!

Waluigi: Hah!  Bring it on.

Waluigi and the Sor-I King begin the staring contest.  Each one stares at the other with great determination.  The other Sor-I watch in great anticipation as the staring contest goes on.  Luigi and the Luma sneak past the other Sor-I to the electric cage to free Polari and the other trapped Lumas.

Luigi: Don't worry, little guys.  We'll free you in no time.

Green Luma: We're gonna be saved.

Blue Luma: Please save our Momma.

Polari: Thank you so much for coming to our rescue.  Once again, Mario, we are in your debt.

Luigi: (squats down running his finger on the floor) My name is Luigi....

Polari: Oops.  I'm sorry.

Luma: Hurry, before they notice us.

Waluigi and the Sor-I King continue their staring contest.  All the other Sor-I watch with great anticipation for their king to win.  Luigi and the Luma continue to try and save the trapped Lumas.

Waluigi: (struggles to keep his eyes open) Nyeeeehh...

Sor-I King: What is wrong, ugly one?  Need to blink?

Waluigi: I'm gonna win the only way I know how.... by CHEATING! (pokes the King in his eye) Take this!

Sor-I King: AHHH!  MY EYE!

Sor-I 1: That ugly thing has commited the ultimate taboo!

Sor-I 4: He must be punished severly!

Sor-I 3: Somebody get a pale of dirt.  We'll throw it in his eyes.

Sor-I King: You've commited the greatest injustice of our kind.... (regains his vision) And what is that dopey mustache man doing with our pets?!

Luigi: Doiy?! (all of the Sor-I turn to Luigi) Wh-wh-what is everyone looking at me for?

Waluigi: (backs up to Luigi with Rosalina) This is so not going well.  I blame you.

Luigi: Me?  You were the one who had to cheat.

Waluigi: Well, I'm better at being sneaky than you are.

Rosalina: Please, now is not the time to fight.  We need to come up with a plan.

Luigi: I have a plan...... RUN AWAY!

Sor-I King: Destory the ugly and dopey ones and BRING BACK MY QUEEN!

Luigi, Waluigi, the Luma, and Rosalina run around the Star Observatory as the Sor-I give chase with their lasers and their mecanical tenticals.  The Sor-I King joins his troops in chasing the intruders until they corner them in the center of the Star Observatory.

Luigi: Great, you led us into a corner.  Way to go.

Waluigi: ME?!  Waluigi was following YOU!

Luigi: You can't blame this on me.

Waluigi: Waluigi blames everything on you!

Rosalina: Please.... STOP ARGUING!

Sor-I 3: We've got them now.

Sor-I 2: Let's blink them to kingdom come!

Sor-I King: Any last words before my troops and I blink you off the face of the universe?

Luigi: I.... I.... I do have one trick left, and if you don't surrender peacefully.... I'll do it.

Sor-I's: .... (bursts out laughing) Ah, hah, hah, hah, hah, hah!

Sor-I King: You don't scare us.  I see the fear in your puny eyes.  Sor-I, prepare the lasers.

Luigi: Oh, well... I warned them.... (starts an exotic dance) Yeeeoooo Yeeooo Yeooooo.... Yo, Yo, Yo, Yo....

Waluigi: THIS IS NO TIME FOR A BALLET, YOU STUPID IDIOT!

Sor-I King: You dance can't stop us.... but it is fun to watch.

Sor-I 1: Sire, sensors inticate that the Negative Zone is approaching the dopey mustache man.

Sor-I King: What?!

All of a sudden, the Negative Zone opens around Luigi and all of the Sor-I.  Waluigi, Rosalina, and the Luma step back far enough to escape the Negitve Zone's reach.  The Sor-I's suits begin to malfunction and give off static discharge.

Sor-I 4: Our suits!  We can't float around or attack with our suits.

Sor-I 5: Curse this stupid power!

Sor-I King: This is worst wedding I've ever had!  Sor-I, retreat!  It's not worth it.

Sor-I's: (floating away) Let's get out of here...

Luigi: (the Negative Zone fades away) .... Phew.

Rosalina: Amazing.

Waluigi: Pttttthhh..... Waluigi could have done that too, you know.

Sor-I King: ..... (turns away for a moment, then turns back to others) Go blink yourselves!

Luigi: Uh.... (the Sor-I King floats away) What?

Luma: (cuddles up to Rosalina) Mommma.

All the Sor-I and their King enter their mothership, stationed a few miles away from the Star Observatory, and fly away from there never to been at that place again.  Later on, Rosalina and Polari escort Luigi and Waluigi back to Toad Town.

Rosalina: I want to thank you ever so much for coming to my aid and saving my children.

Polari: Yes, we are forever greatful.

Luigi: Aw, shucks, I- (Waluigi pushes him aside) Hey!

Waluigi: It was all Waluigi's quick thinking and sneakiness that beat those stupid eye-ball aliens.

Rosalina: I believe I owe you something very special for your bravery.

Waluigi: (aside) This is it, the one sir-fire way to get my own vido game; a princess of my very own.  Not only is she cute, but Waluigi will be her answer to Mario's Peach.  That wimp can keep Daisy for all I care. (aside puckering up his lips) I'm ready.... (Rosalina walks past him) .... Eh?

Rosalina: I am in your debt, Luigi. (kisses his nose) Thank you.

Luigi: (blushes like crazy) It's okay.... and you got my name right.

Waluigi: Whaaaaa....?!

Rosalina: Let us go, Polari.  The children are waiting.

Polari: Yes, Momma.

Rosalina waves her wand, and she and Polari fly up into space and return to the Star Observatory.  Luigi waves goodbye to Rosalina.

Luigi: Bye, Bye!

Waluigi: ..... NOOOOOOO!  YOU TRAITOR!

Luigi: What in the world are you talking about?

Waluigi: Waluigi was suppose to be the hero.  Waluigi was suppose to get that kiss.  Waluigi's suppose to get his own video game!

Luigi: Hey, Waluigi, just calm down-

Waluigi: (prepares to throw a punch) I should have done this a long time ago!

Luigi: Wha.....! (covers his face as he flinches) ...... (opens his eyes to see Waluigi seemingly frozen) Waluigi.... hello.... are you okay.... (looks around) Hey, why does it look like the world has stopped?

???: Luigi, brother of Mario, you are needed for a mission of the up-most importance.

Luigi: (turns) Wh-wh-wh-what do you want from me, strange.... clock... man... thing....?

???: Come with me.  Two more await you.

Luigi: Hey, wait!

The strange clock man swings around a staff with an hourglass at the top end and thrusts it into the ground.  Both he and Luigi disappear.  Waluigi regains movement as he punches the air in front of him.

Waluigi: Hah, Ha- wha! (falls on his face) Ow!  I gotta stop landing on my face....